Lord, I Believe

One of the New Testament stories that I am amazed by and I feel I have been able to relate to since coming to a better understanding of it is the story found in Mark 9:17-27. You may recall a talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland on the very subject of this story from the April 2013 General Conference. Ever since that address was given, I have found myself pondering on Elder Holland's words time and time again. So often we hear the General Authorities speak of having strong faith and of knowing that the Lord can help us. But Elder Holland took a bit of a different approach as he spoke of, not unwavering faith, but belief. 

The story in Mark reads as follows:

"And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit.

"And wheresoever he taketh him, he teareth him: and he foameth, and gnasheth with his teeth, and
pineth away: and I spake to thy disciples that they should cast him out; and they could not.

"...And they brought him unto him: and when he saw him, straightway the spirit tare him; and he fell on the ground, and wallowed foaming.

"And he asked his father, How long is it ago since this came unto him? And he said, Of a child.

"And ofttimes it hath cast him into the fire, and into the waters, to destroy him: but if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us.

"And Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

"And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief."

Regarding this father, Elder Holland says the following:

"This man's initial conviction, by his own admission, is limited. But he has an urgent, empathetic desire on behalf of his only child... With no other hope remaining, this father asserts what faith he has and pleads with the Savior of the world 'If thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us.' ...The plural pronoun us is obviously used intentionally. This man is saying, in effect, 'Our whole family is pleading. Our struggle never ceases. We are exhausted. Our son falls into the water. He falls into the fire. He is continually in danger, and we are continually afraid. We don't know where else to turn. Can you help us? We will be grateful for anything - a partial blessing, a glimmer of hope, some small lifting of the burden carried by this boy's mother every day of her life.'"

While I have never experienced the same pain and anguish that these parents must have experienced, I know there have been times when I have felt I have nowhere to turn to except for to the Lord. And as I do, I find myself hoping for any kind of help in my turmoil.

Elder Holland continues:

"'If thou canst do any thing,' spoken by the father, comes back to him 'If thou canst believe,' spoken by the Master. 'Straightway,' the scripture says - not slowly nor skeptically nor cynically but 'straightway' - the father cries in his unvarnished parental pain, 'Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.' In response to new and still partial faith, Jesus heals the boy, almost literally raising him from the dead."

I remember my reaction to this story the first time I read it in the scriptures. I was a Junior in high school and we were studying the New Testament in seminary (although at the time, we were living overseas and so we had more of a "self-study" sort of seminary system going on). I remember being confused at this father's admitting to him lacking some faith. After all, I had grown up my whole life being taught the importance of faith in our lives - and not just faith, but unwavering faith. I mean, the very first principle of the gospel as taught by the fourth article of faith is "faith in the Lord Jesus Christ." And yet, here was a father who expressed openly that he doubted and Christ still healed his son. 

I wouldn't say that this was something that I struggled with for years, but anytime it came up, I couldn't help but feel a bit confused. And so, in 2013 when Elder Holland gave his address, it was greatly appreciated by me.

He continues:

"Observation number one regarding this account is that when facing the challenge of faith, the father asserts his strength first and only then acknowledges his limitation... I would say to all who wish for more faith, remember this man! In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited... When those moments come and issues surface, the resolution of which is not immediately forthcoming, hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes... The size of your faith or the degree of your knowledge is not the issue - it is the integrity you demonstrate toward the faith you do have to truth you already know.

"The second observation is a variation of the first. When problems come and questions arise, do not start your quest for faith by saying how much you do not have, leading as it were with your 'unbelief.' ...Let me be clear at this point: I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have... Furthermore, you have more faith that you think you do... In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know...

"Last observation: When doubt or difficulty come, do not be afraid to ask for help. If we want it as humbly and honestly as this father did, we can get it... A 14-year-old boy recently said to me a little hesitantly, 'Brother Holland, I can't say yet that I know the Church is true, but I believe it is.' I hugged that boy until his eyes bulged out. I told him with all the fervor of my soul that belief is a precious word, an even more precious act, and we need never apologize for 'only believing.' I told him that Christ Himself said, 'Be not afraid, only believe.' ...I told this boy that belief was always the first step toward conviction and that the definitive articles of our collective faith forcefully reiterate the phrase 'We believe.'"

Many of the things that Elder Holland said have stuck with me these last three and a half years since he gave the talk. Never before had I understood the importance behind belief, as a stepping stone to gaining that unwavering faith that I had always longed to have. I'm happy to say that now, as an adult, there are many things in which I have great faith in. As trials come and my faith is tested, though, I have often found myself comforted by not only Elder Holland's words, but also those spoken of by the Savior in Matthew 17:20 when He says, "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

We will all experience times when we may doubt those things that we have always thought to be true. If it weren't for these experiences, we would have no way for our testimonies and our faith to grow. In those times, I think we can all reflect on the father spoken of in Mark, as well as the information that Elder Holland supplements with that story. Belief is a beautiful thing and we should never be ashamed for only believing in something, rather than knowing something completely. As we strive to build our faith, the Lord will know our desires to not only believe but to know and He will help us come to know.

Resources:

Jeffrey R. Holland. Lord, I Believe. April 2013 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng