Trials and Tribulations

A few days ago, I decided what I was going to write about for this week. I spent the next day or two, mulling it over in my head, deciding exactly what it was that I wanted to highlight and talk about. I wrote this post a couple times in my head, but I never really got around to putting it into words on here.

I had planned to get it all written up this morning.

My morning started pretty much as planned, nay, better than planned. I woke up, nursed my 5-week-old baby, got my kids dressed and fed, and got myself ready (and even managed to put on make-up for the first time in a few weeks) all before about 9:30. That may not seem all that impressive, but just trust me when I say that it never happens. Most days I'm lucky if I've showered by noon. I was just getting the kids ready to go to the store with me to pick up things I needed to make some treats for the Primary Program Practice that we have tomorrow morning.

And then real life happened and it ruined everything.

My two-year-old son randomly vomited all over my bedroom floor. Needless to say, this was the last thing that I needed on a day when I felt like I had much to get done (not to mention when I have a newborn baby!). In a matter of seconds, all of my plans for the day changed, and they were not for the better.

Instead of spending the day grocery shopping, making Rice Crispy Treats with my kids, and spending
the evening at the local Corn Maze (which had been our original plans for the evening) I got to spend the day sitting in front of the TV making a feeble attempt to balance my baby's need to nurse almost constantly (why is it that when I really don't have the time, she is ALWAYS hungry?) with my son's need to vomit every 30 minutes. And that doesn't even factor in my 4-year-old daughter who was pretty much neglected attention-wise all day.

I think it's safe to say that today was exhausting.

Now why did I go on this rant? Was it to get sympathy from my instructor so that he'll hopefully give me a good grade on this assignment, even if it's poorly done? No. (Although, a good grade would be a plus... *hint hint*) Was it because I desperately needed someone to complain to? Okay, so maybe that was part of it. What can I say? Writing blog posts is therapeutic to me.

But I promise I have a better reason for this rant.

My son finally fell asleep in the middle of the living room floor right in the middle of a Phineas and Ferb episode. I wanted to lay down myself, but I knew I had homework to get done. Plus, I am pretty convinced that I won't be sleeping at all tonight between the sick son and newborn daughter, so I figured going to sleep right now would be pointless.

I opened up my scriptures and started looking at the various scriptures I had highlighted, looking specifically for the one that I'd been thinking about all week. Instead, a different scripture stood out to me...

Romans 5:3-4
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope.

I couldn't help but laugh a little at the scripture, honestly. After all, there had been plenty of tribulation today and I can honestly say that I did not "glory" in it. I will be the first to admit that I didn't get down on my knees and say a prayer of gratitude for this trial I had been handed. I did, however, plead with the Lord to take away this trial... about thirty times. But alas, it has not been removed.

My son is still sick. I'm still tired. I'm still worried about the sickness spreading throughout my family.

So why, if the Lord really loved me, why would He put me through this - especially when He knew all that I needed to get done today? Why, if He really loved my son, would He inflict such suffering on him?

I'm sure there is a multitude of reasons. But one is answered in that scripture: to bring forth patience and experience.

D&C 122:7 teaches us that "all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

It's hard sometimes to picture how a sick son could possibly be for my good or for his good or for the good of anybody. But that's where I just have to realize that the Lord knows far better than I what is best for us. Something is supposed to be learned from this experience. I don't know exactly what that is.

Maybe my prayers haven't been sincere enough and the Lord needed to give me an opportunity where He knew I would reach out to Him. Maybe my son needed some extra attention from me (things have been rough since the new baby arrived) and this was the best way to ensure that I was definitely going to give him attention. Maybe we were supposed to stay home today to avoid some sort of accident or disaster. Who knows?

The reason doesn't really matter though. What matters is that the Lord is mindful of me. He's mindful of my son. He's mindful of my family. He knows how much I love my sleep and how much the prospect of a sleepless night tonight terrifies me.

And just because He's mindful of me and knows me better than I know myself, that doesn't mean that I won't have trials. Trials and tribulations will still come, but I will have the knowledge that I won't really be alone in my trials.

I don't know why I always seem to need that reminder.

I've found that I am reminded of things so often in the scriptures - and very often reminded at just the times that I need them. That's one of the beautiful things about the scriptures, I guess. They are inspired and can give us answers and comfort at the exact moments that those answers and comforts are needed.

This post was a little bit different than my others, but it was one of those "one thought led to another" sort of things. I hope that it made some sense and my exhaustion and general frustration from the day (let's face it, even with the knowledge that the Lord is mindful of me, today was still quite frustrating) didn't completely inhibit my ability to form coherent sentences.

Judgement and Charity

The readings this week talked a lot about the dangers behind tolerating sin and turning a blind eye to it (1 Corinthians 5), but then a later chapter (1 Corinthians 13) spoke of charity and having love for others. In the world we live in today where it sometimes feels that more people tolerate sin than don't, these two ideas can seem to contradict one another. In light of this, I want to share a quote from Phil Robertson (from the show "Duck Dynasty"):

"Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they

believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate."

Of course there is a fine line between not turning a blind eye to sin and being judgmental toward others. We are taught in Matthew to "judge not, that [we] be not judged" (Matthew 7:1). In addition, we were taught in this week's readings that "them that are without God judgeth" (1 Corinthians 5:13). So we know we shouldn't judge. But how do we refrain from judging others while still not turning a blind eye to sin?

Likewise, it can be difficult to separate the difference between loving someone and supporting their sinful behavior versus loving them despite their sinful behavior simply because they are a child of God. So how do we love someone without condoning their sinful behavior?

I'm honestly not sure that I have the perfect answer to these questions.

Judgement and Tolerance

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, however, gave a great answer to the first question in a CES Young Adult Devotional at Brigham Young University. He said:

"Our tolerance and respect for others and their beliefs does not cause us to abandon our commitment to the truths we understand and the covenants we have made... We do not abandon truth and our covenants. We are cast as combatants in the war between truth and error. There is no middle ground.

We must stand up for truth, even while we practice tolerance and respect for beliefs and ideas different from our own and for the people who hold them."

He continued:

"While we must practice tolerance and respect for others and their beliefs, including their constitutional freedom to explain and advocate their positions, we are not required to respect and tolerate wrong behavior. Our duty to truth requires us to seek relief from some behavior that is wrong."

To me, this means taking on an "agree to disagree" attitude to some degree. For many things, it simply doesn't matter that I may have a different belief than someone else. However, when certain things are wrong, it is my obligation as a member of the Church who has made covenants to stand up for what I know to be right. This may include voting for or against certain laws depending on how they fit in with the Lord's doctrine. It may be something as simple as standing up for the divine role of marriage as it was meant to be in the Lord's plan. It means not compromising my standards for the sake of avoiding confrontation. But it does not mean mercilessly ridiculing those who disagree or even practice sinful behaviors.

Keeping the Spirit With Us

That being said, I want to point out one of the key factors that will help us to know when and how to stand up for what is right. And that is keeping the spirit with us at all times. The spirit is the real teacher and he can help us know when and what to say, when the situation arises where we need to stand up for what is right.

Let me share an example.

A few years ago, my mom was at a barbecue for my brother's football team. She and some of the other parents were sitting at a table talking when the subject of same-gender marriage came up. My mom was the only member of the Church at the table. Of course, the other people at the table began to speak in favor of same-gender marriage - claiming that they didn't see what the big deal was and they didn't understand why some people were making such a fuss about it. They claimed that it's not hurting anyone for same-gender marriage to be legalized. 

My mom stayed quiet for a while, listening to their conversation and debating about whether or not she should say something. As a Marriage and Family Studies major at BYU-Idaho, she had learned many things in her classes (scientific evidence, if you will) about how same-gender marriage actually did do harm not just to the family, but also to society as a whole. My mom, however, did not want to get into an argument, so she kept quiet a little while longer and continued listening.

It soon got to the point where she could handle it no longer. She spoke up and words came flooding out of her mouth. She doesn't even remember what she said, but all eyes were on her. When she finished speaking, the other parents just sort of stared at her. Then one spoke up and said, "Huh. Yeah, I guess that makes sense," and the conversation swiftly changed to another topic.

My mom was able to leave that experience knowing that the spirit had helped her know what to say. She hadn't had to compromise her convictions and she hadn't had to sit and pretend she didn't have an opinion. Instead, she was able to stand up for what was right, while still respecting the right that everyone else had to disagree with her. In the end, it didn't cause an argument, but rather put an end to the conversation all together.

Love One Another

The scriptures teach us that "charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemingly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

We learn in the Bible Dictionary a bit more about the meaning of Charity. We learn that it is "the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ" (Bible Dictionary, page 632).

We know we are supposed to love others and show charity to them. And so I pose the question again: how do we love others without condoning their sinful behavior?

Thankfully, we have modern-day prophets and apostles to shed some light on these sometimes difficult questions. Russell M. Nelson said:

"The Lord drew boundary lines to define acceptable limits of tolerance. Danger rises when those divine limits are disobeyed. Just as parents teach little children not to run and play in the street, the Savior taught us that we need not tolerate evil. 'Jesus went into the temple of God, and... overthrew the tables of the moneychangers.' Though He loved the sinner, the Lord said that He 'cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.'... As members of the Church entrusted with its holy temples, we are commanded that 'no unclean thing shall be permitted to come into [His] house to pollute it.' That assignment requires great fortitude as well as love... Real love for the sinner may compel courageous confrontation - not acquiescence! Real love does not support self-destructive behavior."

In Conclusion

A friend of mine recently gave a talk before leaving on her mission. She said that she was recently at a meeting where Russell M. Nelson was speaking and afterwards, he had a little Q&A with those in attendance. Someone asked him, "What is the most important thing I can be doing in my life to prepare to meet God?" (or something along those lines). President Nelson answered with a simple, "Just be good."

I love that. We just need to be good. That's all. Choose the right. Keep the commandments. Go to the temple. Pray. Study the scriptures. Be an example. Stand up for truth. Love others. Don't judge. ...just be good!

Resources:

Dallin H. Oaks. Truth and Tolerance. CES Devotional for Young Adults at Brigham Young University, September 11th, 2011. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/ces-devotionals/2011/01/truth-and-tolerance?lang=eng

Russell M. Nelson. Teach Us Tolerance and Love. April 1994 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1994/04/teach-us-tolerance-and-love?lang=eng&_r=1