Trials and Tribulations

A few days ago, I decided what I was going to write about for this week. I spent the next day or two, mulling it over in my head, deciding exactly what it was that I wanted to highlight and talk about. I wrote this post a couple times in my head, but I never really got around to putting it into words on here.

I had planned to get it all written up this morning.

My morning started pretty much as planned, nay, better than planned. I woke up, nursed my 5-week-old baby, got my kids dressed and fed, and got myself ready (and even managed to put on make-up for the first time in a few weeks) all before about 9:30. That may not seem all that impressive, but just trust me when I say that it never happens. Most days I'm lucky if I've showered by noon. I was just getting the kids ready to go to the store with me to pick up things I needed to make some treats for the Primary Program Practice that we have tomorrow morning.

And then real life happened and it ruined everything.

My two-year-old son randomly vomited all over my bedroom floor. Needless to say, this was the last thing that I needed on a day when I felt like I had much to get done (not to mention when I have a newborn baby!). In a matter of seconds, all of my plans for the day changed, and they were not for the better.

Instead of spending the day grocery shopping, making Rice Crispy Treats with my kids, and spending
the evening at the local Corn Maze (which had been our original plans for the evening) I got to spend the day sitting in front of the TV making a feeble attempt to balance my baby's need to nurse almost constantly (why is it that when I really don't have the time, she is ALWAYS hungry?) with my son's need to vomit every 30 minutes. And that doesn't even factor in my 4-year-old daughter who was pretty much neglected attention-wise all day.

I think it's safe to say that today was exhausting.

Now why did I go on this rant? Was it to get sympathy from my instructor so that he'll hopefully give me a good grade on this assignment, even if it's poorly done? No. (Although, a good grade would be a plus... *hint hint*) Was it because I desperately needed someone to complain to? Okay, so maybe that was part of it. What can I say? Writing blog posts is therapeutic to me.

But I promise I have a better reason for this rant.

My son finally fell asleep in the middle of the living room floor right in the middle of a Phineas and Ferb episode. I wanted to lay down myself, but I knew I had homework to get done. Plus, I am pretty convinced that I won't be sleeping at all tonight between the sick son and newborn daughter, so I figured going to sleep right now would be pointless.

I opened up my scriptures and started looking at the various scriptures I had highlighted, looking specifically for the one that I'd been thinking about all week. Instead, a different scripture stood out to me...

Romans 5:3-4
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope.

I couldn't help but laugh a little at the scripture, honestly. After all, there had been plenty of tribulation today and I can honestly say that I did not "glory" in it. I will be the first to admit that I didn't get down on my knees and say a prayer of gratitude for this trial I had been handed. I did, however, plead with the Lord to take away this trial... about thirty times. But alas, it has not been removed.

My son is still sick. I'm still tired. I'm still worried about the sickness spreading throughout my family.

So why, if the Lord really loved me, why would He put me through this - especially when He knew all that I needed to get done today? Why, if He really loved my son, would He inflict such suffering on him?

I'm sure there is a multitude of reasons. But one is answered in that scripture: to bring forth patience and experience.

D&C 122:7 teaches us that "all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

It's hard sometimes to picture how a sick son could possibly be for my good or for his good or for the good of anybody. But that's where I just have to realize that the Lord knows far better than I what is best for us. Something is supposed to be learned from this experience. I don't know exactly what that is.

Maybe my prayers haven't been sincere enough and the Lord needed to give me an opportunity where He knew I would reach out to Him. Maybe my son needed some extra attention from me (things have been rough since the new baby arrived) and this was the best way to ensure that I was definitely going to give him attention. Maybe we were supposed to stay home today to avoid some sort of accident or disaster. Who knows?

The reason doesn't really matter though. What matters is that the Lord is mindful of me. He's mindful of my son. He's mindful of my family. He knows how much I love my sleep and how much the prospect of a sleepless night tonight terrifies me.

And just because He's mindful of me and knows me better than I know myself, that doesn't mean that I won't have trials. Trials and tribulations will still come, but I will have the knowledge that I won't really be alone in my trials.

I don't know why I always seem to need that reminder.

I've found that I am reminded of things so often in the scriptures - and very often reminded at just the times that I need them. That's one of the beautiful things about the scriptures, I guess. They are inspired and can give us answers and comfort at the exact moments that those answers and comforts are needed.

This post was a little bit different than my others, but it was one of those "one thought led to another" sort of things. I hope that it made some sense and my exhaustion and general frustration from the day (let's face it, even with the knowledge that the Lord is mindful of me, today was still quite frustrating) didn't completely inhibit my ability to form coherent sentences.