"Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they
believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate."
Of course there is a fine line between not turning a blind eye to sin and being judgmental toward others. We are taught in Matthew to "judge not, that [we] be not judged" (Matthew 7:1). In addition, we were taught in this week's readings that "them that are without God judgeth" (1 Corinthians 5:13). So we know we shouldn't judge. But how do we refrain from judging others while still not turning a blind eye to sin?
Likewise, it can be difficult to separate the difference between loving someone and supporting their sinful behavior versus loving them despite their sinful behavior simply because they are a child of God. So how do we love someone without condoning their sinful behavior?
I'm honestly not sure that I have the perfect answer to these questions.
Judgement and Tolerance
Elder Dallin H. Oaks, however, gave a great answer to the first question in a CES Young Adult Devotional at Brigham Young University. He said:
"Our tolerance and respect for others and their beliefs does not cause us to abandon our commitment to the truths we understand and the covenants we have made... We do not abandon truth and our covenants. We are cast as combatants in the war between truth and error. There is no middle ground.
We must stand up for truth, even while we practice tolerance and respect for beliefs and ideas different from our own and for the people who hold them."
He continued:
"While we must practice tolerance and respect for others and their beliefs, including their constitutional freedom to explain and advocate their positions, we are not required to respect and tolerate wrong behavior. Our duty to truth requires us to seek relief from some behavior that is wrong."
To me, this means taking on an "agree to disagree" attitude to some degree. For many things, it simply doesn't matter that I may have a different belief than someone else. However, when certain things are wrong, it is my obligation as a member of the Church who has made covenants to stand up for what I know to be right. This may include voting for or against certain laws depending on how they fit in with the Lord's doctrine. It may be something as simple as standing up for the divine role of marriage as it was meant to be in the Lord's plan. It means not compromising my standards for the sake of avoiding confrontation. But it does not mean mercilessly ridiculing those who disagree or even practice sinful behaviors.
Keeping the Spirit With Us
That being said, I want to point out one of the key factors that will help us to know when and how to stand up for what is right. And that is keeping the spirit with us at all times. The spirit is the real teacher and he can help us know when and what to say, when the situation arises where we need to stand up for what is right.
Let me share an example.
A few years ago, my mom was at a barbecue for my brother's football team. She and some of the other parents were sitting at a table talking when the subject of same-gender marriage came up. My mom was the only member of the Church at the table. Of course, the other people at the table began to speak in favor of same-gender marriage - claiming that they didn't see what the big deal was and they didn't understand why some people were making such a fuss about it. They claimed that it's not hurting anyone for same-gender marriage to be legalized.
My mom stayed quiet for a while, listening to their conversation and debating about whether or not she should say something. As a Marriage and Family Studies major at BYU-Idaho, she had learned many things in her classes (scientific evidence, if you will) about how same-gender marriage actually did do harm not just to the family, but also to society as a whole. My mom, however, did not want to get into an argument, so she kept quiet a little while longer and continued listening.
It soon got to the point where she could handle it no longer. She spoke up and words came flooding out of her mouth. She doesn't even remember what she said, but all eyes were on her. When she finished speaking, the other parents just sort of stared at her. Then one spoke up and said, "Huh. Yeah, I guess that makes sense," and the conversation swiftly changed to another topic.
My mom was able to leave that experience knowing that the spirit had helped her know what to say. She hadn't had to compromise her convictions and she hadn't had to sit and pretend she didn't have an opinion. Instead, she was able to stand up for what was right, while still respecting the right that everyone else had to disagree with her. In the end, it didn't cause an argument, but rather put an end to the conversation all together.
Love One Another
The scriptures teach us that "charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemingly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
We learn in the Bible Dictionary a bit more about the meaning of Charity. We learn that it is "the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ" (Bible Dictionary, page 632).
We know we are supposed to love others and show charity to them. And so I pose the question again: how do we love others without condoning their sinful behavior?
Thankfully, we have modern-day prophets and apostles to shed some light on these sometimes difficult questions. Russell M. Nelson said:
"The Lord drew boundary lines to define acceptable limits of tolerance. Danger rises when those divine limits are disobeyed. Just as parents teach little children not to run and play in the street, the Savior taught us that we need not tolerate evil. 'Jesus went into the temple of God, and... overthrew the tables of the moneychangers.' Though He loved the sinner, the Lord said that He 'cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.'... As members of the Church entrusted with its holy temples, we are commanded that 'no unclean thing shall be permitted to come into [His] house to pollute it.' That assignment requires great fortitude as well as love... Real love for the sinner may compel courageous confrontation - not acquiescence! Real love does not support self-destructive behavior."
In Conclusion
A friend of mine recently gave a talk before leaving on her mission. She said that she was recently at a meeting where Russell M. Nelson was speaking and afterwards, he had a little Q&A with those in attendance. Someone asked him, "What is the most important thing I can be doing in my life to prepare to meet God?" (or something along those lines). President Nelson answered with a simple, "Just be good."
I love that. We just need to be good. That's all. Choose the right. Keep the commandments. Go to the temple. Pray. Study the scriptures. Be an example. Stand up for truth. Love others. Don't judge. ...just be good!
Resources:
Dallin H. Oaks. Truth and Tolerance. CES Devotional for Young Adults at Brigham Young University, September 11th, 2011. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/ces-devotionals/2011/01/truth-and-tolerance?lang=eng
Russell M. Nelson. Teach Us Tolerance and Love. April 1994 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1994/04/teach-us-tolerance-and-love?lang=eng&_r=1
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